Raindrops and Roses

The other night there was a huge storm here. Amazingly, only two of the children woke up and ended up in my bed for a short time. As we were watching the lightning, I felt like we should all jump around and sing "My Favorite Things", although that might wake up Graham, who apparently was not stirred by the storm and whose snoring was competing with the thunder. After the kids were back in their beds, I was lying in bed and wondering what would be the one thing I would grab if the house caught on fire (there was a lot of lightning!) It would obviously have to be something small, because my arms would be full of precious cargo. I decided that it would have to be the Bible that Graham gave me on our wedding night almost 20 years ago. From an outsider's perspective, it might seem like a poor choice. It is old, the binding is completely unglued, the pages are bent- not exactly a worthy rescue. Yet to me, it is like a history book of our family and all that we have been through together. I like to circle special verses, those that God has used in me or that I clung to during hard times. There is the verse I found after I crashed my father-in-law's car; verses for a couple wanting to adopt and the date written when the prayer was answered; verses I repeated moment by moment when I was having a hard time being a loving wife and mother. I have marked special verses when each of the five children have been born, a verse from a favorite preacher who is now in heaven, verses to comfort me in bouts of melancholy and despair. It is like stepping back in time- as soon as I see the verse on the page, I know exactly where I was and what was happening when God revealed the beauty of the verse to me.

I'm thankful that there was no fire- just some interrupted sleep (for some of us) and a time to reflect on what is most important. I'm thankful for a record of rejoicing and mourning; dreams and disappointments; my sin and God's redeeming love and forgiveness. I'm thankful for the gifts it reveals- a loving husband, five miracles, and hope for another 20 years of God's faithfulness to me and to our family. Maybe the next time there is storm I will find just the right verse, circle it and write on the page "we all jumped on the bed and sang with the beloved Julie Andrews."

Spider Webs

The other morning I was unloading the dishwasher- a pretty common occurence in our house of seven. I usually don't mind this task, but on that morning it seemed to put me in a bad mood. It wasn't the task itself that set me off, but what it represented- the beginning of another long day of "have-to-do's." I'm sure you've been there too- in the middle of the urgent rather than in the middle of something you actually chose to do. So as I was shaking the water off the glasses and wiping the drips off the floor (isn't a dishwasher supposed to save me from cleaning?), I was reminded of the spider experiment that Griffin had done the previous day. In an effort to observe and learn about cold-blooded animals, we caught a spider and observed it in a plastic cup(with a lid, of course!) Yes, it was indeed busily trying to escape and get back to its regular activities. After observing it for a minute, we put the container into the refrigerator. After a while we pulled it out again to observe. I knew it was going to be moving slowly. Then I could put it back outside and continue on with my long list of "what to get done while Annie is napping" and "how to cram all this stuff in before I leave for class." Griffin and I looked at the spider. Yep, slow going. Now let's hurry this up! But as we were pulling the foil off the top, we noticed that there was the beginning of a web! That spider just kept on doing what he was made to do and a few unwanted minutes in the fridge were not going to interrupt his work.

As I was pondering this at the dishwasher, I realized that I, too, just needed to keep on doing what I was created to do. Some days I'm not sure what all that entails, but I do know that I was created to be joyful and give thanks whether or not I like the task at hand. I can choose to live by His grace and for His glory. God may put me in the fridge and cover me with foil, but I can still spin the webs of love and grace in the family I am blessed to be a part of. So tomorrow when I get up (4 hours from now) and start the chore list, I'll remember the lesson of the spider. Now if I only had eight arms to do it all....

Our Big Family

The dictionary defines "mantra" as a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation. In our family, a mantra is a saying that we use repeatedly to teach, train or focus our values as a family. For example, "If He can get it through you, He will send it to you" is an oft repeated statement that teaches my children to be a channel, not a reservoir, of God's blessings. " Be thankful about what you do have and don't be grumpy about what you don't" is another common saying in our house. Since we have a pretty large family, a lot of discussions seem to be explained in part by "well, because we're a big family" or "in our family...". Of course I try to help all the kids understand what a blessing it is to have quite a few siblings; yet there are times when it does seem like the smaller families have all the fun (at least in the children's eyes). So-and-so gets a new backpack every year; someone else gets to take a big trip for their birthday; some family has something newer, bigger and better. Another case in point: Andrew, the only one who is not homeschooled this year, came home last Monday from school and reported very assertively: "A girl in my class had such a fun weekend! She got to go to Pizza Hut AND Painted-By-U AND she got to paint TWO things. I guess that's because they only have two kids in their family!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He really didn't seem too upset. I think he was just sorting out in his mind that this was one of those things that really wasn't an option for all of us to do. And I hope that he knew that being in a big family truly is a lot of fun, even though we don't do a lot of extras. Do I want all my kids to have fun? Yes. Do I want them to have great experiences? Yes. Do I want them to get everything they want? Definitely not. I'm thankful for the boundaries God has put around us and for the opportunity to teach and live out that relationships are so much more important than things. Come to think of it, that is another Holmes family mantra!

Perfect Peace

I think peace is one of those things that the more we try to get it or manipulate it for ourselves, the more elusive it is. I have been learning that the more I try to control situations and circumstances, the less I see God at work. Yet, when I slow down and give God a chance to intervene, I see how faithful and in control He really is. More than that, I get to see how much He cares for me and that truly is an amazing thing. Case in point: a closing gets postponed and we receive an unexpected refund in the mail, the same day. Another case in point: the shower has been dripping forever but I waited to call a plumber (no closing, no plumber!) Someone comes and actually does the work for free. It's not that I expect God to bail me out of all my difficulties, but if I don't rush to fix everything myself, I give Him room to show me what only He can do. I love Isaiah 26:3 "The steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in Thee." I can't go get an order of perfect peace, but as I remain steady in my faith and belief of God, my Savior and Redeemer, I will receive His peace. I am encouraged to slow down, love God with all my being and wait to see Him work not only for me but in me and through me. Thank you, Jesus!

Big Brothers

I just don't remember much about being with my brother when I was little. I remember him reading Rolling Stone magazine, riding in the back of his Ford Pinto and him getting into lots of trouble! Sandy (my 5 year old), however, seems joined at the hip with Griffin and Andrew. For the past week they have been playing non-stop with a box of blocks, cars, cardboard boxes, bikes and basketballs. Ever since I can remember, she has known all about their toys and tv shows. She has graduated with them from Rescue Heroes to Spiderman, from Star Wars to NFL and NBA. The other day she saw a funny commercial on tv and she said, without hesitation, "He just teleported!" So I'm on the offense for trying to teach and train her about how to be a young lady amidst all the testosterone. I have yet to find a way to stop her from relating all this boy knowledge to everyday situations. Case in point: We were at the pool a few days ago and I was talking to a mom. You may know a particular mom like this- one who seems to have it all together all the time, only lets her kids have the best foods and the best educational choices at all times. I used to really be intimidated and guilt-ridden after talking with moms like her- questioning all my mothering and life choices. I think I am a bit more relaxed now (can that really describe me?) and try not to play the comparison game. Anyway, Sandy went up to her and asked her last name. I had no clue why. Apparently, she has a son whose name sounds like "Dred" and Sandy, who has been exposed to the cultural aspects of certain NBA players and even an NBA character on a Wii game whose name is Dredlocks, picks up on this similarity. Now, I know some of you are probably wondering why in the world we have a NBA Wii game. All I can say in response to that is this: almost ten-year old Griffin earned enough money folding laundry, a nickel per piece, so he was allowed to buy the game and play with parental supervision. So, back to the mom at the pool. Sandy says to this mom, "Oh, I thought your last name was Locks- I thought you had a Dred Locks. We have him on our Wii." I was, needless to say, a bit mortified and wanted to run as fast as I could with two wet kids and a baby to the parking lot. The mother, obviously horrified at the thought said very scornfully "we don't have a Wii!" Another feather in the cap (or jewel in her crown?) of the perfect mom. As for me, I will again re-examine the important issues in Sandy's life and heart and in my parenting as well. But for now I am rejoicing that I can laugh at the scene in my head, be thankful that I am not keeping score, trust Him for the wisdon I need and truly delight that Sandy is so in touch with her brothers' worlds.

Conversations by the Kitchen Window

For the past 15 years, Graham and I have been going to the same beach condo in Panama City Beach for vacation (thanks to his generous aunt and uncle!). Every year we prop open the door, turn down the air, unload all our stuff, open the curtain, take a look at the beach and breathe a sigh of contentment and thankfulness to be at the beach. Every year the activities are pretty much the same, just with more and more children- alternating between the beach and the pool, trips to Wal-Mart and the movie store, tacos and seafood. And every year when we want to talk on our phones, we have to stand in the kitchen by the window that faces the parking lot to get any reception. I was thinking about how the conversations have changed over the course of time. From "yes, I feel fine" with my very first pregnancy, to working out real estate contracts that always seem to come up the day before we leave for the beach; discussions about an at home business, questions about a homeschool book order, to "yes, I feel fine" with pregnancy number five! I can track the stages and phases of our family life with the small periods of time spent by the window in the kitchen. No photos or scrapbooks about it- just vivid memories of the journeys God has taken us through the years. I smile when I ponder the conversations in the future- "are you working on your wedding plans?", "are you bringing the grandkids?", " I love you and can't wait to spend time with you." I pray that Jesus will tarry so I can savor the sweet feel of the sunshine and the sound of the voices of those I love while standing by the window in that kitchen.

Ponderings

Do you ever have those days when your mind just seems to wander and question everything? The other day I was driving in the van and I was making a mental list of questions, things that make me laugh and things that make me sad. So here are the ponderings of a mom having a blah/nostalgic/introspective day. Questions: Why do young children suffer with cancer? When I get to the end of this short life, will I really know for sure that I have invested, and not just spent, my life on what really mattered the most? Why does a bike for Sandy cost less than a pair of shoes for Griffin? Why does Sarah getting more beautiful make me feel so much older? Things that make me sad: When I drive by the park and remember all those fun days when going there was the most important thing on my list; hearing moms talk unkindly to their children; seeing Andrew sob for the children of Haiti and other orphans of the world; knowing that time is running out for loved ones who do not know Christ; ways I have let my family down; knowing I will never, ever get caught up on all the scrapbooks for the children. Things that make me laugh and smile: Hearing Sandy correctly use words like vibrate, pitch black, "a pinch of"; chatting on facebook with my nephew at 1AM; knowing by name all the kids in the church nursery and giving each a big hug; singing to Annie so she will smile and open her mouth so I can feed her; seeing my children look out for each other; listening to Griffin as he very seriously says "If I don't get drafted by the NFL or the NBA, then I think I want to be either a writer or an inventer!"

I'm thankful that each day is a new day and His mercies are new every morning. I can live by His grace and for His glory with His transforming power. I guess those are wonders to ponder.