Big Brothers

I just don't remember much about being with my brother when I was little. I remember him reading Rolling Stone magazine, riding in the back of his Ford Pinto and him getting into lots of trouble! Sandy (my 5 year old), however, seems joined at the hip with Griffin and Andrew. For the past week they have been playing non-stop with a box of blocks, cars, cardboard boxes, bikes and basketballs. Ever since I can remember, she has known all about their toys and tv shows. She has graduated with them from Rescue Heroes to Spiderman, from Star Wars to NFL and NBA. The other day she saw a funny commercial on tv and she said, without hesitation, "He just teleported!" So I'm on the offense for trying to teach and train her about how to be a young lady amidst all the testosterone. I have yet to find a way to stop her from relating all this boy knowledge to everyday situations. Case in point: We were at the pool a few days ago and I was talking to a mom. You may know a particular mom like this- one who seems to have it all together all the time, only lets her kids have the best foods and the best educational choices at all times. I used to really be intimidated and guilt-ridden after talking with moms like her- questioning all my mothering and life choices. I think I am a bit more relaxed now (can that really describe me?) and try not to play the comparison game. Anyway, Sandy went up to her and asked her last name. I had no clue why. Apparently, she has a son whose name sounds like "Dred" and Sandy, who has been exposed to the cultural aspects of certain NBA players and even an NBA character on a Wii game whose name is Dredlocks, picks up on this similarity. Now, I know some of you are probably wondering why in the world we have a NBA Wii game. All I can say in response to that is this: almost ten-year old Griffin earned enough money folding laundry, a nickel per piece, so he was allowed to buy the game and play with parental supervision. So, back to the mom at the pool. Sandy says to this mom, "Oh, I thought your last name was Locks- I thought you had a Dred Locks. We have him on our Wii." I was, needless to say, a bit mortified and wanted to run as fast as I could with two wet kids and a baby to the parking lot. The mother, obviously horrified at the thought said very scornfully "we don't have a Wii!" Another feather in the cap (or jewel in her crown?) of the perfect mom. As for me, I will again re-examine the important issues in Sandy's life and heart and in my parenting as well. But for now I am rejoicing that I can laugh at the scene in my head, be thankful that I am not keeping score, trust Him for the wisdon I need and truly delight that Sandy is so in touch with her brothers' worlds.

Conversations by the Kitchen Window

For the past 15 years, Graham and I have been going to the same beach condo in Panama City Beach for vacation (thanks to his generous aunt and uncle!). Every year we prop open the door, turn down the air, unload all our stuff, open the curtain, take a look at the beach and breathe a sigh of contentment and thankfulness to be at the beach. Every year the activities are pretty much the same, just with more and more children- alternating between the beach and the pool, trips to Wal-Mart and the movie store, tacos and seafood. And every year when we want to talk on our phones, we have to stand in the kitchen by the window that faces the parking lot to get any reception. I was thinking about how the conversations have changed over the course of time. From "yes, I feel fine" with my very first pregnancy, to working out real estate contracts that always seem to come up the day before we leave for the beach; discussions about an at home business, questions about a homeschool book order, to "yes, I feel fine" with pregnancy number five! I can track the stages and phases of our family life with the small periods of time spent by the window in the kitchen. No photos or scrapbooks about it- just vivid memories of the journeys God has taken us through the years. I smile when I ponder the conversations in the future- "are you working on your wedding plans?", "are you bringing the grandkids?", " I love you and can't wait to spend time with you." I pray that Jesus will tarry so I can savor the sweet feel of the sunshine and the sound of the voices of those I love while standing by the window in that kitchen.

Ponderings

Do you ever have those days when your mind just seems to wander and question everything? The other day I was driving in the van and I was making a mental list of questions, things that make me laugh and things that make me sad. So here are the ponderings of a mom having a blah/nostalgic/introspective day. Questions: Why do young children suffer with cancer? When I get to the end of this short life, will I really know for sure that I have invested, and not just spent, my life on what really mattered the most? Why does a bike for Sandy cost less than a pair of shoes for Griffin? Why does Sarah getting more beautiful make me feel so much older? Things that make me sad: When I drive by the park and remember all those fun days when going there was the most important thing on my list; hearing moms talk unkindly to their children; seeing Andrew sob for the children of Haiti and other orphans of the world; knowing that time is running out for loved ones who do not know Christ; ways I have let my family down; knowing I will never, ever get caught up on all the scrapbooks for the children. Things that make me laugh and smile: Hearing Sandy correctly use words like vibrate, pitch black, "a pinch of"; chatting on facebook with my nephew at 1AM; knowing by name all the kids in the church nursery and giving each a big hug; singing to Annie so she will smile and open her mouth so I can feed her; seeing my children look out for each other; listening to Griffin as he very seriously says "If I don't get drafted by the NFL or the NBA, then I think I want to be either a writer or an inventer!"

I'm thankful that each day is a new day and His mercies are new every morning. I can live by His grace and for His glory with His transforming power. I guess those are wonders to ponder.

Perspective

Some things in daily life seem overwhelming at times- the never-ending piles of laundry; surviving without my husband and oldest daughter /helper/babysitter/Sunshine while they are out of the country; learning microbiology at 44; being purposeful and diligent in prayer; paying taxes and for a new transmission at the same time... the list goes on. But then comes perspective. Last week I went with a group of women to clean a house, the owner of which I did not know personally, but who was at the funeral for her two-year old daughter. In the blink of an eye her whole world changed when tragedy struck outside near her own yard. She, too, had five children, one of which is a newborn. As I was cleaning the master bedroom, I couldn't help but notice things which would normally seem ordinary, but which were now precious- a family photo with all the children, a birthday party hat and napkin (her daughter had just turned 2), a stub from a family vacation spot, and a picture she had colored in church that had her name on it. That one in particular touched my heart- the wonderful scribbles in red crayon on a picture of Jesus.
I can remember a time when I was sitting on the front steps of the house of a friend who had just lost her husband in a car accident. She said "Go home, enjoy your husband and don't ever take anything for granted." And so now my heart is overwhelmed- not with all the tasks, but with how to desperately show those near to me how much I love and appreciate them. I want to savor the laughs, long-winded stories, endless questions, and countless pictures colored and drawn from their loving and precious hands. I am so sad for the loss of a sweet little girl but I am so forever thankful for her reminder to keep this short life in perspective. She is rejoicing to be safe in His arms and I am rejoicing to celebrate the dailyness of life as I know it.

Living with My Eyes Closed

Today at the dentist I sat in that dreaded chair for over an hour with my eyes closed. Why, after all, would I want to look down at my white knuckles? At one point, however, I happened to look up and was very surprised to see my dentist with glasses and funny magnifying glasses on. My mind immediately flashed to Toy Story 2 and the guy who fixed Woody. I almost started to laugh. When did he put on those funny things? The last I saw of him, he was in his white jacket and smiling at me. I wonder what else I missed! It got me thinking about what else in life I have my eyes closed to. Now, some things should definitely not be seen, like the view from the Mindbender or the Great American Scream Machine. Yes, we recently went to Six Flags and I was forced to ride in order to create an even number for riding. My five-year old had more fun than I did and I'm certain she had her eyes open for everything. If mine had been open I'm sure I would not only be leaving in a stretcher but also that they would have been cleaning up the seats after me! But crazy rides aside, how much of life do I miss because I do not truly have my eyes open to the world around me? I want to be like Moses who actually stopped to look at the burning bush. The Bible says that when the Lord saw that Moses actually turned aside to look, He then called to Him from the midst of the bush. Do I miss God's call or voice of beckoning when I fail to stop and take the time to see those around me? Who is God calling me to serve or love on? Do I hear His calling? Just a few things to ponder this time of year as I celebrate His sacrifice for me. He rescued me so that I could share His story of love and forgiveness with those around me. May I slow down and look for Him in all the bushes that surround all my comings and goings.

Joys of Bedtime

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I really do not like reading stories to my children at bedtime. Can't I just count the books we read all day long? But hey, isn't that what every mom is supposed to do at bedtime- to cuddle, read and savor the time together? I can't count the number of times my mom read Uncle Remus' "De' Tar Baby" or "Are You My Mother" to me as I was going to bed- probably hundreds! I'm sure she was tired but she read to me anyway. But, guilt aside, I do like praying with and for my children and just talking to them about life and God as they are getting ready to enter the Land of Nod. Tonight I asked Sandy what she would say in a thank you note to God if she were writing one to Him. The first thing she said was "I'm thankful that He made me." It just filled my heart. Simple, but so pure and full of love. She knows that she is special to her Creator. And next, so true to her free spirit, was being able to ride a tricycle FAST, feeling the wind and seeing the sky all around her. She also wondered if she died at night, would she get to go to heaven in her pajamas and be able to wear them FOREVER?! After that, I went to tuck in Andrew. He informed me that "the Bible really changed my life"- his words exactly. He went on to explain that he used to not understand things about God but now that Jesus is in his heart, he really does. As we prayed, he said he was sorry for all those angels who left heaven with the devil; wanted everyone one in the world to know about God; and wondered how God could be everywhere at once, but was glad He was.
I don't always take the time to engage my children so deeply at bedtime, but I should (especially since I don't like the whole book-at-bedtime thing). How sweet of God to remind me that my days with my children are indeed numbered and to invest in them at bedtime is time very well spent. Now I can go to bed and sleep in my most comfortable pj's- I never know when and if I will be wearing them forever!

Is Every Moment Sacred?

It seems like so much of the world is guided by formulas and directions- physics, math, lab reports, new Wii games, Princess Yahtzee, baking cookies; anything that needs to run smoothly and end up with the right product. But what about things like being a good mom, friend, wife? Sometimes I wish there was a formula I could just follow and know I was heading in the right direction. Yes, I know there is an Instruction Manual for life, the Bible. And it is the source of all truth and wisdom. Sometimes it is just hard to know how I'm doing. For example, I know I can be "holy"- late at night when I'm all alone reading or in my van (all by myself!), singing praises at the top of my lungs. But what about when I am feeding a baby, trying to understand and teach 8th grade physics, get a nine year old to focus on spelling and math and preparing to go to a night class- all at the same time? Can I be holy then? Is there a formula for that situation? I am reading a book called "The Discipline of Grace" by Jerry Bridges. He writes about working in us what is pleasing to Him; that "Godliness is having a regard for God's glory and God's will in every aspect of our lives, doing everything out of reverence and love for Him." So I am trying to see every moment as sacred, as an act of devotion to the One whom I truly desire to serve and love. There is no formula on how to respond to a faulty transmission, aches and pains, desires and longings- except that God gives us the freedom to write our own formula. We are free to live under His teaching by His never-ending grace. With His Spirit, I can devote each moment to His glory. Will I fail? Yes! Will every moment be sacred in practice? NO! Yet I am assured by His love for me that He will do for me and through me all that I can't do myself. He is the only formula I need to know.